Sonder

the concept that another is living a life aside from your own

It’s 5am as I sit here jet lagged on a balcony in Destin, Florida, looking out across the harbour as the sun rises across the rippling dock. The air is still and sticky as people arrive to get their boats ready for the day. One in particular is a man and a Girl.

The Girl looks to be no older than six, and wears a cap on her head, too big to sit there, so it constantly is dipping below one eye. The man who I can assume to be her father is aboard the boat, getting it ready for that day’s charter- pulling together ropes, unloading boxes, cleaning off sails. The daughter, despite her size, she does not sit still. The Girl walks (more so a skip) toward the dual-handle hand truck that sits on the wooden dock, that is twice her size. This does not matter to her, as she kicks her sequinned saddled foot against the base, and begins to wheel it back toward to boat, loading ropes and boating gear upon it as she goes.

Her father proceeds to hand The Girl a multi gallon sized drum to carry with her back to the dock. She takes it on her chin, wrapping her short arms around it, and waddles away from the boat. She proceeds to do this four times.

When an hour has passed, and the sun has risen, she skips once more toward the staffing shed, punching in the security code, and heads inside.

The point I make by writing of these strangers going about their morning routine, is to bring up the topic of Sonder.

‘Sonder’

noun

1. the feeling one has on realising that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one’s own, in which they are the central character and others, including oneself, have secondary or insignificant roles.

The realisation of sonder often reminds me of my insignificance in the most magnificent way. The reminder that at this present moment, as you read this, there is somebody across the globe having an entirely different experience of this day, helps to put into perspective the weight of the choices you make.

I’ve done lots of thinking on this topic, on this word. I’ve written poems, I’ve written a play on the very topic. It remains to be my favourite.

Remember as you read this, that I sat here across the world from you, writing it, as you went about your day doing something entirely different. There is somebody getting up for work, there is somebody getting married. There is a child taking their first steps, there is a person taking their last. Perspective is the world’s mirror reminding you to live in the present moment, and to not forget that you too, are a stranger in somebody else’s life.

But just because you’re a side character in somebody else’s life, does not mean you cannot be the main character in your own.

There was once a father, and his daughter, preparing their boat at dawn, as they do like many days before. That is their current reality, that is their current experience of life.

Unknown to them, twenty feet away,

there is a writer on a balcony,

living a different day.